All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
