I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
