Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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