Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
