I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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