Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
