the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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