You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
