Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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