i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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