no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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