New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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