No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
