she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
be right there i have to get my cape
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
