I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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