Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
