I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
