He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
