that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
