I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
