I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
