I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
