I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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