but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
