your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the condom got lost in my hair
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize