Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
