In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
