i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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