Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize