...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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