who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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