The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
