so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
