i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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