I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
