he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
