I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize