Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
