i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
