he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's not cheating when I paid for it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize