I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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