just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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