apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
