Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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