loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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