An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
