were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
