Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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