i can't believe i had my finger in that
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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