I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
