Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
