Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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