So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
