Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
