I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
