In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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