Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
