I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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