So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
