Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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